Friday, June 25, 2010

Welcome to America.

Welcome to America, where you are treated like a moron.
Welcome to America, the land of litigation, where if you don’t treat everyone like they have an IQ of less than 50 (i.e., “Your coffee cup may contain hot liquid.  Use with caution”), you are liable to be sued.
Welcome to America, where it takes an hour and a half to get through airport security.
Welcome to America, where people come in sizes ten times larger in all dimensions, but especially as far as waistlines are concerned.
Welcome to America, where all of a sudden I feel quite short and VERY skinny.
Welcome to America, where people alternately dress like crap and look totally fabulous.
Welcome to America, where you have to watch a twenty-minute video about proper customs procedures, because clearly you’re too much of an idiot to follow the signs and figure it out on your own (assuming literacy is obviously out of the question).
Welcome to America, where people destroy their skin trying to make it as dark as possible, whereas people everywhere else in the world destroy their skin trying to make it as white as possible.
Welcome to America, where the land stretches on forever and ever.
Welcome to America, where the bureaucratic red tape stretches farther than the land.
Welcome to America, where everyone speaks English (good lord, how weird is that?).
Welcome to America, land of cream cheese, ovens, avocados, and milk that actually tastes good.
Welcome to America, where you can find attractive women’s shoes larger than a size 8.
Welcome to America, land of such ineffable beauty that words fail me.

Welcome home!

1 comment:

theonegiraffe said...

I'm late in reading this...but I love it :)