They Call it Stormy Monday

I have heard before that Minnesota (or Wisconsin, or Cleveland, or any number of states or cities) has only three seasons: almost winter, winter, and construction.  Granted, I have only spent three and a half months in Taiwan thus far, not nearly long enough to actually make educated observations, but I have up to this point witnessed only two seasons: so-absurdly-hot-I-don’t-know-how-people-survive and still-extremely-hot-though-potentially-livable-but-most-likely-livable-in-an-alternate-universe.  Okay, I’ll admit there is a possibility I’m exaggerating.  Just a wee bit.

That’s not exactly what I wanted to talk about, though.  At this particular point in time, I am more interested in the specific types of weather we experience here on the subtropical island of Taiwan.  As far as I can tell, there are three types of weather, which I expound upon below.  They are as follows: Hot and sunny.  Cool and cloudy.  TYPHOON.

Hot and Sunny

This is by far the most frequent weather in this city.  As I said before, I’ve been here about three and a half months.  I’m going to be liberal and estimate that as three 30-day-long months plus 15 days in this half-month, leading me to conclude that I have spent approximately 105 days in Taiwan.  Of those 105 days, I would estimate that 91 of them have been hot and sunny, leading me to conclude that about 87% of the days are hot and sunny.  And keep in mind that when I say hot, I mean hot.  This is not normal Ohio-summer hot.  This is Taiwan hot, which means 110 degrees and so humid the air feels like a brick wall.  Okay, so maybe that was more August, September, and the first half of October.  It’s true that we’ve finally gotten to the point where I can go outside without immediately breaking into a sweat.  Progress, at the very least.  Also, when I say sunny, I don’t mean a blue sky with happy little cumulus clouds flitting to and fro.  No, when I say sunny, I mean that there are no clouds in the sky.  None whatsoever.  The sky is perfectly, flawlessly blue, leaving no respite from the sun except in the shadows of large buildings (of which, admittedly, there are several).

Cool and Cloudy

Again, keeping in mind that these are rough estimates, I would say that 7 of the 105 days in Taiwan have been cool and cloudy, leaving us with an approximation of 6.5% of the time.  In a bitter twist of irony, despite the fact that my favorite days in Ohio are the hot and sunny ones, the cool and cloudy days in Taiwan are the ones that I live for.  These are the days that I crave because I can put on long pants and a light, long-sleeved shirt and still be comfortable.  Let there be no mistake: it’s almost Thanksgiving and I mostly wander around in t-shirts and shorts.  These are the days when I can sit outside in the middle of the afternoon comfortably.  No sunscreen.  No sweating profusely.  Bliss!  Actually feeling cool has been known to bring tears of joy to my eyes.  I kid you not.  And this coming from a person who is always freezing in America.

TYPHOON

I daresay this requires little explanation.  This has been approximately 7 days out of the 105, leaving me to further conclude that 6.5% of the weather is typhoon weather.  In fact, the only time it rains in Kaohsiung is if it’s typhooning.  If it’s raining and not typhooning, it’s a miracle.

Scooter Culture

Living in Taiwan is an interesting cultural experience no matter which way you cut it.  Driving in Taiwan is not only an interesting cultural experience, but also a surefire way to raise your blood pressure whenever you get on the road.

Many of the things I see while on my scooter are frustrating.  It is evident that driving in Taiwan is not nearly as safe as it could be, and it’s irritating that my fellow scooter drivers fail to do anything about this.  You have to watch all planes and dimensions at the same time; there will be people in front of you, behind you, and on both sides cutting you off or turning into you or just expecting that you’ll be able to read their mind and move accordingly so the two inches separating you won’t become less and cause an accident.  They also consistently run red lights.  And start driving before the red light turns green.  And they make illegal right- and left-hand turns.  So you do the math: drivers running a red light + drivers moving forward while the light is still red + illegal turns = ???

On the other hand, there are also several incredibly amusing things I see on my scooter.  One of the more entertaining of these is when you see entire families on scooters.  I’m not talking two or even three people—I’m talking about an entire four-person family.  Picture this: Dad drives.  Mom sits behind Dad.  Also keep in mind that scooters are rather small and it’s only really feasible for two people to be on them at the same time.  Now imagine Mom holding a newborn baby in her arms—helmetless, of course, since helmets don’t come in that size.  And now put another small child in front of Dad, standing on the floor of the scooter (also helmetless).  If you have done this exercise correctly, you now understand how it is possible to find entire families on extraordinarily small 125 cc-scooters in Taiwan.

Another sight that always gets me is when I see dogs riding scooters.  Just today I saw a woman scooting about with her two huskies chilling on the floor of her scooter.  I’ve also seen dogs in baskets on the floors of scooters.  Or dogs in the small baskets that are attached to the fronts of scooters (very Euro and cool, I know, you don’t have to tell me).  By far my favorite dog/scooter sighting, though, was when I saw a small dog standing on his owner’s lap with its front paws on the handlebars of the scooter.  Tongue lolling about, the whole deal.  And his owner was just hanging out, scooting along down the street.  The most remarkable aspect of all of this is that the dogs never leave the scooter.  There is no barrier holding them in.  They have no leashes.  They just sit on the scooter, even while at a full stop, unless their owner bids them leave.

Another ETA, Katherine, has made several interesting scooter observations.  I could not have written it better, nor with more humor, so I am including what she wrote for your amusement.  Enjoy!

After studying Taiwan's traffic laws for my driver's test, I feel I know the system fairly well.  After two weeks of careful firsthand observation and experience of Kaohsiung traffic, I now thoroughly understand the traffic laws for motorbikes (scooters). Here is the list.

1. A red light means stop. Unless you are turning right. Or left. Or the road is wet so it's dangerous to try to stop. Or the road is dry so you think stopping would be too easy. Or the traffic pulls you through the light. Or you don't see the light. Or you don't feel like stopping. Other than these rare exceptions, a red light means stop.

2. Scooters are not allowed on the sidewalk. Unless it is an emergency. Or you are parking. Or you are driving to a parking space. Or there is too much traffic on the road. Or the sidewalk is more convenient. Other than that, stay off the sidewalk.

3. Scooters should always stop behind the crosswalk line, leaving the crosswalk clear. Unless there are too many people IN the crosswalk, in which case you should go around them. Or through them. Or unless the light is going to turn green in eighty seconds or so, and you want to stay ahead of traffic. Or you are only going one more block, and getting ahead of the crosswalk will save you eight milliseconds when the light turns green. Otherwise, stop behind the crosswalk.

4. All passengers on a scooter must wear a helmet. This law does not apply to dogs, pigs, cats, six-year-olds and any person "just going around the corner and down the street to buy beer." Otherwise, you must wear a helmet.

5. In tunnels, slow traffic should stay to the right. Unless you ride a bicycle, in which case you should weave back and forth across the narrow lane of the tunnel to ensure that all scooter traffic behind you maintains a consistent pace of fifteen kmh.

6. The scooter lane is strictly for scooters. And bicycles. And pedestrians. And cars turning right. And cars turning left. And taxis. And lobotomy patients driving expensive cars very slowly while swerving right with their left turn signal on. And trucks filled with live pigs. Otherwise, strictly scooters.

7. The scooter lane speed limit is 40 kmh. Or whatever speed prevents instant death. In the mornings this varies between dead stop and 65 kmh. Otherwise, 40 kmh. Which I'm sure is strictly enforced. On Sunday afternoons. Between 3:05 and 3:18.

8. Pedestrians ALWAYS have the right of way. They know this. They enjoy exercising their right to right of way by stepping out into the street without looking, walking down the middle of the road to avoid dirtying the sidewalk, and waiting for a green light before crossing four lanes of traffic. Fortunately, no matter how many scooter brakes they destroy, they still have the right of way.

9. You must have a license to drive a scooter in Taiwan. Unless you don't. Then you must not get caught by a policeman while driving your scooter. Otherwise, you must have a license. ;-)

Exhibit A

I now present further evidence proving how highly regarded English teachers are: Yesterday, I had four classes.  The first three passed without incident.  The fourth class never showed up.  My co-teacher, Lucy, called down to their classroom to see what the delay was -- there was no answer.  We later found out that five or six of the students in that class had the swine flu and so the class got canceled.  No one told us.

Holiday Ruminations

Dear friends and family,

Today is Yom Kippur, one of the most important Jewish holidays of the year.  When I was growing up, the only way we ever got the day off of school for Yom Kippur was if it happened to fall on a weekend.  Regardless, as kids, we always took the day off.  In high school I spent my Yom Kippur days doing homework.

Once I started college, things changed a little bit.  I couldn’t always be home on Yom Kippur.  If it fell during the middle of the week, I couldn’t afford to skip out on a day of classes to be with my family.

This is not the first time I have not been home for Yom Kippur, but it is the first time I’ve been quite so far away.  There are no Jews in Taiwan at all, so even if I wanted to “celebrate” (the quotation marks are because Yom Kippur involves a day of fasting) properly, I couldn’t.  I’m used to people not realizing that this is a holiday for me, but I have never been quite so isolated in my observance of it.

I am not religious.  If I had to describe myself as anything, I would say I’m a cultural Jew.  I have no religious beliefs associated with Judaism; I’m simply in it for the food and the good times during the holidays.  Regardless, I find myself missing this holiday more than I anticipated; even if I don’t put any stock in it, it is still a family holiday.  I have chosen to celebrate it in my own way to feel closer to my family.

In that vein, the generally accepted theme of Yom Kippur is that of forgiveness and atonement.  The idea is that you spent the day denying yourself of the things you take for granted, like three meals a day.  You remember that many people in the world don’t have consistent access to ample food or clean water.  And you reflect—you think about your life during the past year, who you have wronged, who has wronged you, and you forgive and you ask for forgiveness.

We are none of us without fault.  We transgress against others just as others transgress against us.  To those I have wronged, I hope you will be able to forgive me someday.  And to my family—I miss you, and I wish I could be with you today.

My Life as a Superstar

If you’ve ever wondered how the other half lives (okay, maybe just the elite 5%), you should come to Taiwan and teach English.

Teacher-student relationships in Asia are quite different than their Western counterparts.  In the Asian classroom, the teacher is king; what they say is regarded as irrefutably true and correct.  It is a relationship brimming with respect.  In Western culture, on the other hand, truth is placed at a higher value than giving the teacher the respect he or she is due.  People are viewed as fallible and open to bias, and so debate is encouraged.  We are taught to be skeptical, to question, to evaluate information from multiple sources in order to come to a well-informed conclusion.

Teachers in general are highly regarded.  In fact, there is an annual holiday called Teacher’s Day (which is next Monday, as it happens), where students show their respect for their teachers by, say, serving them tea.  Foreign teachers, then, are special on two counts; not only are they teachers, but they’re also foreigners, still a relatively rare sight here.

Because of this, I’m beginning to understand what life must be like for celebrities.

Consider what happened in my classroom today.  First, I got a letter from one of my adoring fans… I mean, students.  The letter was folded up in some incredibly complex fashion that I couldn’t figure out, so I had to have my student unfold it for me.  I’m including the unaltered text of the letter below for your perusal.

Rebekah: Teacher:

Thank you!!

Happy Teacher’s day!!

Student: Julie 98/9/24

By the way, one common method of measuring the year in Taiwan is in regards to the fall of the Qing Dynasty, which makes this the year 98.

Anyway, back to my rock star life.  Later today, after the writer of the fan letter had come and gone, I spent about 15 minutes surrounded by cheering children begging for my autograph with tears of joy in their eyes.  Well, maybe they weren’t quite cheering, and maybe they weren’t quite crying, but I must have signed my name about 60 times.  In multiple languages.  I had glittery pens shoved into my hand and blank spots in textbooks indicated, awaiting my signature.  They also liked it when I wrote their names for them.  I should’ve left them motivational messages:

Dear (Student X),

Study your English and you’ll go far in life!

Best,

Rebekah

費瑞白

And, last, as is the pattern every time I leave school for the day, I underwent my 300-foot-long walk of fame.  That is, I have to walk about 300 feet to get from my classroom to my scooter so that I can leave.  Every student of mine that sees me feels personally obligated to offer up some sort of salutation.  I am greeted with a chorus of “hello” and “hi” and “Rebekah!!!”  I wish I could say I at least recognized them all, but the truth of the matter is that I have 15 separate classes with at least 30 students each, giving me more than 450 students.

I highly doubt that I will ever be a rock star or achieve fame or notoriety by any other various means.  In any case, one year of living like a superstar will probably prove to be enough.  Especially if the compensation doesn’t drastically increase.

Good News/Bad News/Other News

Good News: I live in a tropical paradise surrounded by rainforests, coral reefs, and beautiful beaches.

Bad News: It’s unbelievably hot.  Every day.  All the time.  I can no longer wear clothing that extends past my knees because it’s just too darn hot.

Good News: Instead of a normal bell to signal class changes, we get to hear a short excerpt from the English Horn solo in the second movement of Dvorak’s New World Symphony.

Bad News: This is my favorite movement in the whole piece, and I won’t be able to stand it in a week’s time.

Good News: I have an awesome scooter that’s loads of fun to cruise around on.  I also have a Taiwanese driver’s license, so I get to drive legally.

Bad News: I think I am the only person on the entire island of Taiwan that actually obeys traffic laws, including going the right way on one-way streets, not running red lights, only making legal right and left turns, etc.  And someone busted the handle to my front brake the day after I got it (it still works, though).

Good News: I don’t have to work with third graders (too young for me).

Bad News: Sixth graders can be a huge pain in the ass. 

In Other News, I have been to Taipei and back.  All the ETAs were required to sit through a tremendously dull two-day-long orientation with the non-ETA Fulbrighters as well as all the visiting Fulbright professors and such.  I suppose it wouldn’t have been so bad if we hadn’t already been thoroughly oriented from our entire month living on the island.  In any case, here are a couple pictures from that weekend.

This is a picture of Grace and me standing on the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall.  Of note is the outfit I was wearing, as it was entirely bought in Taiwan.  The shoes and shades were purchased in Kenting, whereas the shirt and skirt were bought in Kaohsiung.  And yes, my hair does always look like that here.  It’s rather humid, in case I failed to mention it before.

Taipei 101, the tallest (?) building in the world.  Some building in Dubai was supposed to be the tallest, but I think the project got canned or something.  Taipei 101 is named for its 101 floors.

The view of the surrounding city from the observation deck somewhere near the top of Taipei 101.  There was some seriously cool stuff going on with the sun and the patches of fog, but unfortunately the reflection of my lens in the window kind of messed up the coolness of the picture.

And with that, I bid you a temporary farewell!  Until tomorrow, at the very least.

Native Sun

The Taiwanese are deathly afraid of the sun.  Not because it can cause skin cancer, although they certainly acknowledge this—no, they are more afraid of getting a tan.

For some reason, people outside of Western societies think that the paler you are, the prettier you are.  Someone here theorized that this was because historically, if you were lower class, you worked outside and ended up quite brown as a result.  Pale skin meant that you were high class—you didn’t have to work in the sun.  In Western culture, though, the darker your skin, the more attractive you are (which, of course, makes just as much sense as equating pale skin with beauty).

Taiwanese women in particular go to great lengths to shield themselves from the sun’s skin-darkening rays.  Keep in mind that the main method of transportation here is scooters, which necessarily involves being exposed to the sun.  I have seen a variety of interesting things on the road that women do in order to avoid getting tan.  They wear jeans a lot, which is death in this heat.  They also take light sweaters or jackets and wear them backwards over their arms so their extremities aren’t touched by the sun.  By far the best innovation, though, are the oven mitts over the handles.  They’re not real oven mitts, mind, but that’s certainly what they look like.  They’re these big, padded, glove-like handlebar protrusions; you can put your hands in or take them out just as you like, since they are attached to the scooter, not to you.  It took me quite a while to discover their true purpose, but as it turns out, the whole point is to protect your hands from the sun.

Pedestrians are also fans of keeping themselves out of the sun.  No matter where you go, if the sun is out, you will see women wandering around with open umbrellas to keep the sun off their face.

Now, I have no objection to people protecting themselves from the sun.  Particularly if you’re looking to prevent skin cancer, it’s a healthy lifestyle choice.  Some people take it a little far, however.  One our last day in Kenting, we rented a beach umbrella (complete with table and chairs) from a woman who might as well have been wearing a burka.  Not only was she wearing full pants and long sleeves in this unbelievable heat, but she also had extra sleeves pulled up over her arms, a face mask, a hat, and just in case, she was carrying an umbrella.  You could only see her eyes.

I suppose this just goes to show that I now live in a heliophobic nation!